The trees are gone
The seashore is lit by the shadows of sharks
I don’t want to go home
Where tables and chairs are empty
And walls echo from the distance
A charming song for no one to hear
A blizzard for the bespoken lie
It is I who speak the depths of cosmos
It is I who dares to see the light
The wisdom is chosen by the
Slow running stream
Don’t ever chase nightmares for horseback rides,
don’t drink from the fountain of youth –
The dream will end when there’s no more of it.
i guess,
if i ever wrote a suicide note
it would just say
fuck you all.
i strip myself of my possessions
to keep my mind in place
i’m getting rid of ways to leave
to minimize escape
it’s like a leash attached to air
too close to heart to doubt
i’m never getting out of here
–
who would have thought
that i’d still wish for you
the way i did
a full earth’s cycle ago
I say I’m good with words,
but my words will never
be able to paint
the endless warmth
You bring
into my small heart.
i’m not sure if you were
the lighthouse
or me
but i know there was light –
and then there wasn’t.
a bit like birthday candles,
only darker –
but birthday candles,
we blow them for a reason.
a wish.
a purpose.
happy birthday.
i wish you’re happy, wherever you are.
sometimes,
i talk to you
in my sleep –
it’s not alarming,
your presence is frequent
in my dreams,
and my subconscious longs
for your existence
it’s when i talk to you
when i’m awake,
that i am scared
the most –
and writing to you
does nothing
to dissolve
the terror.
something is sitting on my chest this morning –
it won’t let me get up, and it makes my coffee hard to swallow –
i’m trying, but it’s heavy
and stuck above my stomach
it brings me foggy thoughts and
darkens my surroundings
is it the bedsheets? is it your ghost?
if i get rid of it, where does it go?
sometimes when i wake up
i squeeze my eyes tightly,
and open them again –
as the truth of some dreams
is more violent
than the waking reality
i’m running towards me –
i’m dysphoric
and impatient;
drawing my world
and colouring out of the lines.
it’s taking too long
and i haven’t learned to wait.
