A council of priests
A naked boy in the street
A murder of crows
Why did you do that?
They may ask, no one really caring –
To run away, he would reply to
No one really listening
From what.
A party of desperation
An orgy of blame
Who did what –
And who’s is the fault.
The boy still running
Naked, in the woods
No one bothers
to give him a sweater
or call an ambulance.
Sometimes I still wake up
in my childhood bedroom.
My eyes wide open
I try to make sense of the shadows.
Was the bookcase next to my bed,
or was it the vanity?
Sometimes I can still feel
the soft psychedelic lullaby
of the rhythmic pharmacy green light
creeping through my blind-less window.
Red, then green, then red, then double green –
looping on the ceiling
and in my restless dreams.
Will I be trapped forever
in this yellow-walled room
chased by ghosts sipping blood
out of cartoon decorated bedsheets?
i want to be free
of this phantom body;
i want to be raw
for myself to show.
i am tired,
and i’m sick
and the snowball’s rolling.
i am scared –
let me be.
I say I’m good with words,
but my words will never
be able to paint
the endless warmth
You bring
into my small heart.
the first smile
a friendly hug
a shy reaching hand
a kiss.
what’s in a month?
a heavy breath
a tear
a walk at the park
a breakdown.
a warm heart
a poem,
pairs of eyes talking
pairs of tangled feet.
what’s in a month?
it’s you.
filling my heart
day by day,
with sun.
you may not realise
but my soul has become a vessel
for collecting all the hurtful things you say.
the moment you say them, it absorbs.
it takes them in and there is no way out.
they multiply.
they expand in volume and in time.
they stay there, and they rot.
they become heavy.
they smell bad, and they make me nauseous.
i am cursed to remember every word.
every sob.
every scream.
every pause.
you may think you are hurting
because i am destroying myself,
but you have been destroying me
bit by bit,
word by word,
breath by breath
since the moment you thought you wanted to help me
but forgot to ask me, how.
your eyes under the sun
make my eyes shine.
offering the light –
a quest,
to make them mine .
(writing happy stuff again – what a life)
