today at 01:01 i closed my eyes tightly and i wished for you

why can’t you see?
i’d trade in the world for you.

the only way out of this,
is out of everything;

what is it with
the things which are eating our insides
that cannot be ignored
cannot be provoked
but is always persistent.
like a humid summer morning,
crippling sun behind thin nylon curtains –
warmth, and sweat and tangled dreams,
the ones that refuse to wake you up
that hold you inside
that keep you frightened.

I lie to everyone.
Hiding.
No signals, no scars, no warning signs.
A facade.
The curtain of a poisonous stage.

My mind is a cave of unfulfillment.
Soft, warm, a room full of questions –
Demands.

I cry light.
But I’m darkness.
Creeping –
Breathing.

I rise within.

I am infinitely looping

An endless journey of mistrust

A step forward, two going back.

I’m shrinking and growing and tearing apart

The ocean, the shore, the gunwale.

A deep, unlit place

Breathing.

I am hanging from the sky

Falling

Ending and beginning

Holding my breath

Suffocating

Until I rise again.

When getting out of bed is considered a victory,
I guess reaching deadlines is a bit of a far-fetched goal.

I’m coming to find you
If it takes me all night
Wrong until you make it right ~

Today I didn’t press the snooze button.

Stayed in bed 45′ after waking up, but still a progress.

I took a shower, and came to the office.

p.s I regret that last part though

On this crazy road to healing, I realised it’s ok to be brokenhearted.
And it’s ok not to be cool with the situation that made you as such.

It’s ok to be angry.
It’s ok to be sad.
It’s ok to be disappointed.

It’s ok to be everything, all at once.