80% is good enough.

“έπεσε απαλά, όπως πέφτει ένα δέντρο…”

https://open.spotify.com/embed/track/3vMrcGW4o35zY6vXjWb1p7

Wanted some chocolate. Found a fancy swiss salted caramel one somewhere lying around. Turns out it’s fuckin bitter. If this is not my life, then I don’t know what is.

i woke up today thinking i should cut my hair.

last time i got a haircut you gave me the first butterflies, and then we got married by the lake, my silver hair shining under the sun, your flower crown highlighting your beautiful face – our souls dancing in a non-existent place.

i was happy, you were too.

cutting my hair will ache this time,

as i’ll be cutting a part of me that, if only for a second, existed with you.

today at 01:01 i closed my eyes tightly and i wished for you

why can’t you see?
i’d trade in the world for you.

the only way out of this,
is out of everything;

what is it with
the things which are eating our insides
that cannot be ignored
cannot be provoked
but is always persistent.
like a humid summer morning,
crippling sun behind thin nylon curtains –
warmth, and sweat and tangled dreams,
the ones that refuse to wake you up
that hold you inside
that keep you frightened.

I lie to everyone.
Hiding.
No signals, no scars, no warning signs.
A facade.
The curtain of a poisonous stage.

My mind is a cave of unfulfillment.
Soft, warm, a room full of questions –
Demands.

I cry light.
But I’m darkness.
Creeping –
Breathing.

I rise within.

I am infinitely looping

An endless journey of mistrust

A step forward, two going back.

I’m shrinking and growing and tearing apart

The ocean, the shore, the gunwale.

A deep, unlit place

Breathing.

I am hanging from the sky

Falling

Ending and beginning

Holding my breath

Suffocating

Until I rise again.